Sunday, August 16, 2009

Cancer sucks and coming clean!

Cancer sucks! Cancer sucks the life out of you and slaps your spirit around. It makes you hunch over and walk like an old lady and makes your skin hang on your bones. It is the ul;timate diet in that it starves your body, and rapes your soul. It makes you and the ones who love you question their lives, their God and their purpose. It makes you cry, puke, bleed, and sleep. Sleep in not the peaceful way you once did but in little intermittent bouts of pain/nauseua induced sleep. Pure and simple, cancer sucks. It sucks the life out of you and it sucks the life out of all who love you. Ahh..that felt good.
With my mom having cancer I have really started to question life and myself. Am I living the life I wanted to be living and more importantly am I the child God wants me to be? Up until Friday, I wasn't. I was a good person, a good mother, and a good friend,daughter, etc. but I was also a liar and a deciever in that I didn't have enough faith in God to know that telling the truth to myself and all around would be fine, becuase God would be there and he would pave my roads. I thought I wasn't good enough and that I could handle everything on my own..guess what??? WRONG! U need God and u need God to help you along the way by him showing you his will and his perfect plan and then you have to listen. For so long I have been praying but I just recently realized that sometimes you have to shut up and give God a chance to talk. Suddenly..or maybe not that sudden the answer will come clear. I had that moment..I finally realized that I needed to completely let go and let GOD lead my life. No more lies, even if they were just meant to keep the "boat from rocking". I have jumped off my sinking boat and started swimming straight to God and you know what? I feel great, I feel purposeful and I feel ready to live life as the girl I'm suppossed to be. Your words can't hurt me any longer because I am no longer that person who is hiding.The truth will set you free and it really does..TRUST ME!

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