Sunday, September 20, 2009

Heaven's new Angel

I know this picture may look weird and the coloring is off because of the dim light in the room, but it's my last picture of my mom. I wanted to have the memory of my brother and I holding her hand. We held her hand and spoke to her all along her journey to heaven. She was surrounded by people she loved and the room was overflowing with love. I know she felt us and I know she heard us. We decided to take her off the machines early this morning because we knew she was gone and non-responsive. She fought a short but extremely hard and painful journey with a rare form of ovarian cancer. Never once did I see her lose her faith or throw herself a pity party. She was scared of course but faithful and hopeful that she would beat it. Its hard to really put into words how I feel right now, I'm so lost and sad, and lost and lost..and sad. I have lost my best friend, my comfort, my leader, my shopping buddy, my scrapbook buddy, my cooking instructor, my confidant, but most of all I have lost my mom. It really doesn't matter how old you are when you lose your mother, yo still feel like a lost girl looking for her mommy. She was only 50 and very healthy, 3 months and she was gone. It still does not feel real. All can do is try to find some positive in this whole thing because that's how she raised me to be..freakin' positive..AHHH.. but I am thankful that I had her for a mother for the last 30 years, I am thankful that she ,married my Dad and together we had a happy, normal..well lets not push it..abnormal but hilarious little family. She was our leader, the one who sat in the corner ,while we cracked jokes, and rolled her eyes at us. She was the one that always told me to "hang in there Jen"..well Mom I'm trying really hard to "hang in there" but my heart is so broken because I miss you soooo much already.


Julia said...

I'm so sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry. I hope you find peace and comfort in your family and in all of your memories, and that the pain eases over time.

Jen said...

I don't know what to tell you. I am very sorry that you lost your mom. The first time that I ever saw how moms and dads were supposed to be was at your house. I remember it clearly. I thought it was so strange that your parents got along ALL the time. I loved being at your house. Your mom raised a VERY strong woman. You are very lucky to have such a great mom.

Farmers Wife said...

This photo is so beautiful. What an amazing thing to have and keep in memory of your mum. I feel very sad for you honey xxxx